by Livia Balaban
Rated NC17 = V, Humor(!), MSR, Smut, of the dreamish sort. The
seriously freakish sort.
Spoilers: Orison and others
Summary: Blissfully sated, a post-Viagra Mulder falls into the dream state
he'd feared. Sequel to "Cold
+++++...from "Cold Feet...+++++
Scully laughs the laugh of the sexually exhausted, rolls over, and falls
dead asleep. In the wet spot. My head drops heavily onto the pillow, and
I remember the wisest thing I ever heard about sex. Dr. Ruth Westheimer
- of all people - said it in response to a caller who asked, "How
do I know if I've satisfied my wife?" With her thick little accent,
she replied, "If she's unconscious."
Shit, I'm thinking about Doctor Ruth as I'm falling asleep next to Scully.
I grit my teeth and prepare for freakish dreams of tiny women.
I am watching with careful scrutiny as she continues her upward journey.
The terrain is treacherous. I don't dare breathe for fear of dislodging
her. After all, it's a long, long way to fall. Fortunately, veins stand
out prominently, and when she does lose her grip, she doesn't have long
to slide before she lands her tiny little feet on a hard protrusion.
Her little hands are strong, and they support her well as she continues
to climb. The ascent is torturous, and the sheer vertical surface, dwarfing
her, is daunting.
She's almost halfway up by now, and I continue to watch with undisguised
admiration. Very softly, I encourage her.
"You're doing great, Scully."
Her response is terse, as expected. It's a tough climb, and she's intent
upon it. "Shut up, Mulder, I'm climbing your penis."
For a itsy little thing, she sure is spunky.
* * * * *
I'm awake again, tangled in the sheets, half-exposed to the freezing
air, wondering what the FUCK that dream was about. Jeez.
Scully's still exactly where she was when she passed out. Glad to know
that even if I *am* a pebble in her shoe during the day, at least I don't
get in her way when it's time to sleep. I can be an annoyance to her -
I know that. But even when she gets occasionally bitchy, she's still my
Sleeps like one too.
I rearrange the sheets, toss a comforter from the closet on the bed,
and settle in for a well-deserved snooze.
The irritation finally drives me to remove my shoe. I'm in the office,
but when I reach down to remove the shoe from my tender foot, I find myself
on my couch.
Then, Scully's couch.
Then I'm on my living room floor. Man, a lot of trouble to go to just
to pull a pebble out of my sock.
I lean over and remove the shoe and sock, and for the life of me, I can't
find the source of the irritation. I think it's between my first two toes,
but damn it, I can't find anything.
"Don't look enny furzer," a little German voice calls out cheerfully
from beside my big toe. "It's me," it says. I look down and
see Doctor Ruth Westheimer, struggling valiantly to extricate herself
from her cramped perch between my first two toes.
I must have squished the shit out of her in that shoe. I certainly can't
vouch for how fragrant that sock must have been either. Poor little thing.
"You beeg min are all de seme," she chides good-naturedly,
"beeg feet, beeg hendz, beeg *everysing*." She winks at me.
"I'm not that tall," I defend. "I'm six-foot."
"Vell, you mey only be seex-foot, but your penis is at least sefen-fife."
But it's a lie, because when I stand and open my fly to prove it to her,
my dick springs out, and just keeps on springing out.
Wow. Big Fox has always been big, but Jesus, this is embarrassing. I
can barely stand up, the counterweight of my dick pulling me forward and
That fucking Viagra. Look what it did! How the hell am I gonna explain
this to Scully?
I can hardly hold on to it, it's so fucking long. It's hard, though,
so at least I have that going for me. But who the hell is gonna deep-throat
me now? Shamu?
Shit. Scully's gonna be SO pissed. I can't go to work like this.
Holding on to the metal pole running from floor to ceiling - man, I wish
I'd remembered I'd had it there when Scully did that little impromptu
striptease for me last night - I anchor myself and look all the way down
to my bare foot to ask for help.
Shit. Where the hell is Doctor Ruth?
I look around the floor and I don't see her. Shit, she blew me off, just
when I needed her. If anybody would know what to do about this, it would
be Doctor Ruth.
I sneak a look at Big Fox, and see her, smiling and waving, straddling
the end of my cock like some giant Bobbing Bronco. That's disgusting.
I try to shake her loose, but it's like shaking a hundred-year-old oak
to get an acorn.
Jesus. *That's* what that 'redwood' comment meant.
I hear a key in the lock of the front door, and all I can think of is
finding a way to hide my dick. Behind the pole? No way I'm going completely
vertical with this thing. It'd smack into the fucking ceiling.
The knob is turning, and I just know it's Scully and she's gonna be so
pissed at me, but damn it it's her fault for writing the prescription
in the first place hey she's not really a practicing physician I was so
stupid for thinking she'd know what to prescribe she spends all her time
around dead bodies and now look what's happened I'm seven and a half feet
long and hard as a rock, and she's not gonna wanna fuck me in *this* condition,
and I can't find Doctor Ruth anywhere, man I hope I didn't step on her...
* * * * *
My head's facing the wrong way. I have a great view of Scully's cute
little painted toes. Meanwhile, my right foot is stuck inside the pillowcase,
and my left hand is wedged under the corner of the mattress. For fuck's
And, incomprehensibly, Big Fox is still raring to go. Maybe I could just
sort of nudge her awake so she could...um...take care of my little problem.
Big. BIG problem. Nope, nothin' little 'round here. Well, except for
her. But she's a *cute* kind of little.
Shit. She's still lying in that same damn position, breathing thickly,
sleeping sleeping sleeping. No relief in sight. Damn it.
Mmmmmmm, yeah, right there. Right there....oh God, that's so good. So
good, Scully. So good.
Goddamn, you have one infuckingcredibly talented tongue, Scully. Yeah.
Fuck, that slurping sound is almost as good as the feeling of your pillowy
lips on my dick. Goddamn, fuck yeah, FUCK, that's good.
<bob, slurp> <bob, slurp> <bob, slurp>
Wow, she's under the desk. I mean she's REALLY under the desk, on her
professional little knees, getting dust and seed shells and who knows
what else on her professional little skirt, and she's got her professional
little hands on my...JESUS FUCK ON A BICYCLE...her professional little
mouth is doing some of the most unprofessional things I've never imagined
her capable of.
<bob, slurp> <bob, slurp> <bob, slurp>
Man, she's tiny. Her head doesn't even graze the underside of the desk
as she slides her mouth down and up my hard cock, lips pressing, tongue
stroking, cheeks hollowed with JUST the right amount of suction.
<bob, slurp> <bob, slurp> <bob, slurp>
The woman is an artist.
Oh FUCK ME she's humming. Her whole mouth is vibrating and now Big Fox
is vibrating, and holy shit her mouth is a great big live vibrator, and
it's fucking incredible. A hummer. Scully's giving me a hummer under my
desk. Scully is on her knees, under my desk, giving me a hummer.
I really should respect her more than this.
<bob, slurp> <bob, slurp> <bob, slurp>
Yeah, well, FUCK that. Don't stop, Scully. I'll arrange for the Nobel
-Piece- Prize or something when you're done. Just DON'T FUCKING STOP.
Fuck. She stopped.
She lifts her head and looks at me, and when she opens her mouth, she
says, in a weird little German accent...
"Don't look enny furzer..." and she's not Scully anymore, and
she's not even Doctor Ruth Westheimer...no, it's Donnie Pfucking Pfaster
on the floor between my knees and he's telling me how pretty I am and
how much he wants to hold on to Big Fox forever and ever, and he's starting
to sound like Lenny from "Of Mice and Men" with a little of
that Abominable Snowman thing from the old Warner Brothers cartoon mixed
in, and it's the most fucking terrifying thing, 'cause he's licking his
lips and he has a knife, and he's got his mouth open and his tongue out
and he's getting closer, he's trying to catch my dick between his lips,
he keeps bobbing his huge ugly head forward, and he's so close now, and...
* * * * *
Goddamnit, I'm on the floor. That fucking hurt.
I think I ended up with the better alternative, though. If it's a tossup
between that Pfaster thing or a moderate bonk on the hip, I'll take the
bonk any day.
And regardless of the revolting dream I just escaped, Big Fox is still
at full attention, waiting for a respectful salute so he can be at ease.
Okay, I think as I climb back into bed next to an insensible Scully,
think nice thoughts. Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens. Flowers,
smiling children, pixie dust. Cute and fluffy bunnies.
I can't put my finger on it, but something about this train of thought
just doesn't feel right.
Scully isn't in, she's off doing something important, so it's just me
here. Nobody here but us chickens. Skinner brings me the case file, and
I go. I just up and go, 'cause Scully's not here, right? Right. Just take
care of it. No danger, no hassle. A case file about fairies. Cute little
fairies. No sweat. I'm on it. Rough, tough, Fox W. Mulder, F...B...I.
I need a soundtrack.
Off I go, in this big-ass rental car - what a great big fucking thing,
figures, I get a car big enough to boink in and Scully isn't here to appreciate
it - and I find the field indicated in the file. Lots of fairy sightings.
Cool. Never seen a fairy before.
I've got some coffee and some iced tea and some root beer and some sunflower
seeds and some yogurt with bee pollen and some barbecue and some Chinese
takeout, and some pizza with one of those little plastic box holder-upper
things, and a nonfat tofutti rice dreamsicle, and I set up a little picnic
- man, that cooler is really roomy, it's like a Clown Cooler or something
- and wait for twilight. That's when the fairies come out.
I'm stretched out comfortably on the blanket I brought when little forms
begin to approach. Little glowing eyes peer at me from the darkness.
They glide toward me, and this is so cool, and soon they're everywhere
around me. Fairies. Cool.
Wait, fur? Oh, this is not so cool.
SHIT, I'm covered in cats. That is NOT what I meant when I was thinking
about getting a little pussy earlier. Goddamnit, they're all declawed,
but they're swiping at me and licking my bare chest with their rough little
tongues, and they've got all those little paws kneading my thighs in that
little cat way they have, and hey the tongues are getting softer and bigger,
and there's only one now, and though it's still kinda small, it's definitely
not a cat tongue. I can't open my eyes, but the kneading paws feel like
fingers now, and her nails dig into my flesh, and her lips are dragging
across my chest and up my neck and I feel her breath on my skin...
"Scully..." I am moaning, it feels so good. I still can't open
my eyes, but I don't care 'cause it's her, and when she moves away from
my chest, I manage to open my eyes just in time to see her dive down my
pants like a dolphin and she's gone.
But definitely not forgotten. Shit, no. She's inside my pants, all of
her, and my undershorts are gone and all that's there now are my suit
pants and my belt and Scully's soft skin and silky hair...I feel her wriggling
around inside my pants and Big Fox suddenly wants to get in on the act
and starts writhing around with her too.
With one hand I pull the waistband of my pants away from my stomach and
take a peek down there to see what's going on and damned if Big Fox isn't
doing this writhing dance kinda thing with Scully, and it's so fucking
erotic, I can't decide what I want first.
A blow job. A blow job is always good.
It'd be cool if she could wrap her whole body around my dick. That would
be cool. All soft and pliable and warm and intelligent. She'd know just
what to do, wrapped around it like that.
She doesn't do that, though. As soon as she sees me looking at her, she's
up and out of my pants like a shot. Damn.
But then she's on top of me and she's bigger now and she's just totally
fucking naked and I think I see some little twinkly lights hovering around
in the air with us, but Scully's got my dick in the crook of her elbow
and she's stroking it up and down....holy fuck she's giving me an elbow
job...and fuck the fairies. Really.
Fuck 'em. I've got Scully here and she's naked and the inside of her
elbow is making intimate acquaintance with Big Fox and it's fucking incredible
the way she's licking her lips and looking at me with those blue eyes...purple?...no,
they're blue, and she climbs on top of me and starts fucking me and it's
so fucking amazing.
She's kind of floating there on top of me...she's bouncing up and down,
good and hard, but her legs are curled up on my chest and her arms are
behind her neck and her back is arched - fuck that's so sexy - and she's
pounding away for all she's worth and there's this wonderful little smile
on her face, and we're fucking, Scully and I are actually fucking, I've
been waiting so long to fuck with her and it's perfect, she's amazing
and hot and hungry for it, and I'm in fucking heaven.
Fucking in heaven.
Oh who the fuck cares? I'm gonna come.
I'm right there...a second or two more and I'll be history. Does she
wanna come too? Well too late to think about that, 'cause it's coming
now, too tight, too hard, gonna come...
Then she pops off me, just before I pop off, and she shrinks to a little
point of light and dances around in the air over my head with all the
other little dancing lights. Fuck, Scully's a fairy. I should've known.
They're all dancing around in the air, giggling at Big Fox, who's really
fucking pissed about being cold and alone right now.
* * * * *
"You're on my hair."
"Oh," <yawn> "sorry."
"That must have been one heck of a nightmare," Scully says,
slipping her head out from under my knee.
"Yeah. You were a fairy. And some serial killer," =no way=
I'm mentioning Pfaster's name in this bed, "tried to get up close
and personal with Big Fox." Wait, my knee? Jeez, this just gets weirder
and weirder. Poor thing. Must have bopped her in the head.
She laughs a little and settles into the crook of my shoulder. "I
guess we'll have to experiment with the dosage."
Dosage? Oh, yeah. My little pharmaceutical helper. That would explain
a lot. "Okay. But no more than this, Scully, or else I won't be responsible
for my actions. You're lucky I didn't decapitate you."
Scully opens her mouth to speak, and I can just *feel* the pun building
"Don't even think about it, G-woman. No witty banter after triathlon
boinking. New rule."
"Oh all right," she concedes. After a while, she whispers,
"This is odd, isn't it?"
"Yeah." It is. I mean it's great being with her here like this,
but it's all so...I don't know...*normal*.
"Somehow it never occurred to me that a weird relationship plus
sex would equal sex then a return to weirdness. You're weird, Mulder."
"So I've heard."
"But it feels kind of..."
"Yeah. Weird, hm?"
"Decidedly freakish," she one-ups, snuggling up against me
a little more firmly.
And despite everything, Big Fox is STILL inclined to try again. I nudge
my partner in weirdness. "You sleepy?"
"No. I must have passed out for a while." No shit, Sherlock.
"Why, are you ready for Round Two?"
"Yeah. But no 'head' comments, I mean it." <smooch, nibble>
She's actually giggling. Well, that's fair. I'm sucking on her hipbone.
Ticklish spot. Cool.
"How are your feet?" she asks me. It's a reasonable question,
but I can't decide if she's asking about my previously cold feet literally
or figuratively. I address both.
Lifting my head and smiling, I reassure her. "No fear, Scully. Everything's
Acknowledgements: Dasha asked for it.
Dasha got it. <metaphor overload> Sorry, folks, but it appears the
rest of you were standing on the sidewalk of this list when this truck
of a fic sped through the muddy puddle of my mind.</metaphor overload>
Consider yourselves duly splashed.
Thanks to all the freaks who said it was okay to post this nightmare,
and even went so far as to fix it when it was broken: Alicia, Jodi, and