by Livia "Dr. Spooks" Balaban

Rated PG = Humor
Spoilers: Yes.
Summary: My response to the Dr. Seuss parodies on the lists.

His cell phone is lost, his computer is stolen;
The Federal Agent is kicked in the colon.
The FBI's brutal, and expects to be paid,
For losses that spring from bad plans that are laid.
No matter that Mulder works all 'round the clocks;
For a smashed-up car rental, the FBI docks.

There is no job security,
No true paycheck surety.
So it's true, and it shocks  
Fox is in stocks

His behavior erratic, his theories all crocks,
It was fated that they would someday suspend Fox.
One house, no there's two, no his family owned three,
But not one blessed penny did he ever see.

"What if they suspend me, what will I do then?"
He asked his sweet partner, that red-headed hen.
"The stock market's hot," she replied with a smile.
"You'll make lots of cash, but it might take a while."

A dozen, a hundred, he bought up those shares,
Unconcerned about all of his financial cares.

It caused quite a riot when he went to bed Sunday
With no money to pay for the damage on Monday.
"I still have no clue who bought that waterbed,
and that trip to the bank nearly rendered me dead.
But I will not concede, and I will not stop buying,
though success seems as likely as seeing pigs flying."

Fox is in stocks
Bees carry smallpox
Scully should work on replacing her locks.

A contact at night proclaimed exclusive knowledge
About stocks that would help put his kids all through college
"But I can't have kids," he explained.  "Scully's barren.
And that nasty old wolf killed the snot out of Karen.
Diana is dead, and - crap - so is Kristen - -
There's no one to care 'bout the pot that I pissed in.
But I'll take your advice, and follow your offers
And increase the holdings in Fox Mulder's coffers. "

Fox is in stocks
"The Lone Gunman" rocks
A vial of ova is stuck in a box

Forget what they said about Social Security
The future belongs to the group who has "Purity".
And though it seems awful and horribly mean
The one way to stop them is that darned vaccine.

Fox, sell your stocks
Scully, change your locks
Krycek is coming with bad guys in flocks

Fight if you want, but money's passe,
The boatman's the only one you'll have to pay.

"Perhaps if I bribe them they'll give me a vial,"
Thought Fox, in a deep state of truest denial.
"I'll sell all my stocks and they'll cut me a deal.
Oh who am I kidding? I'll just break in and steal."

He got the vaccine, and his timing was flawless
For the consortium men had become truly lawless.
Scully worked hard, through his dull oratory
Replicating vaccine in a Fed laboratory.

And when they had won, and the aliens fled
Fox assumed they'd give in to their passions in bed.
"Think again," replied Scully, her voice dripping with honey,
"You're no good to me without piles of money."

Fox sold his stocks
And bought Scully some frocks
And bagels with cream cheese and fresh Nova lox

And despite protestation of true independence
Scully started her shopping with breathtaking resplendence.
She became superficial; her necklines were swooping.
Her wonderbra kept her from breastily drooping.

"Who cares if I'm shallow," she declared with a smile.
"Let someone else take care of *me* for a while."

But then, like a shot, the poet awoke.
"Thank God, just a nightmare!" Livia Geisel spoke.

=====
End.

 

livia@stoodjood.com